I miss my home

[San Angelo, Third Day]

So I went home this weekend. It was awesome. Kind of weird- it felt like some parallel universe. Home was amazing yet not the same. I'm not the same person, nor are any of my friends the same people. Even Whitty has this fancy schmancy new Th0mas Hammer coffee bar and plasma screen TV's and such. My church was really different, too. Not bad different. Just different. Things change. And that's ok, it's just interesting how much the last 17 months have altered the course of my life.

That said, my friends were wonderful. I loved meeting with people one-on-one, and my amazingly great friend Heather even remembered that I had been 25 for less than a week and brought me a birthday present!! That was a huge blessing :) Plus I had rock star friends who get very little down time at their house open it up to a group of us on Sunday. My beloved Seahawks were slaughtered, but other than that it was really enjoyable. Yummy cookies, great friends, football, pizza, being back with people I love and who love me, etc. It was wonderful. Not to mention how great it was to simply be back on Pacific time.

Monday was GREAT. I absolutely loved recruiting. Seriously. I'm in contact with T*F@ people about pursuing a job with them after this year, preferably back in the Se@ttle area. Recruiting was absolutely incredible. I'm too tired to type it all out, but the take-aways were that A) I was right that there are amazing Whitw0rthi@ns who need to join T*F@, and B) I'm good at it! It was so natural because of pure passion in my heart for the movement of which I am a part. My body was absolutely exhausted but I was on such a high from the adrenaline of speaking with people that I was buzzing with energy afterward.

I have a quadrillion things to do and no time to do them, but I really wanted to get this up for people. I know some have been curious and asking about it :) I love you all!

So hard to fathom

[Simply Nothing, Shawn McDonald]

So... it's list Thursday. Here we go:

1) Yay for The Office! I've been totally bonding, primarily with my roomie Liz but also with Becca and a wee bit Elise, over the second season. In fact, I am going to hide the last disc so I can be there when the drama between Jim and Pam goes down in the last episode!

2) Yay for birthdays! I am ridiculously old (I've hit the quarter of a century mark... that's 25 for you slow people!) but as my favorite dude says, I'm on the right side of 25. So... I'm gonna choose to believe him. I was so blessed by people who know me so well getting me perfect gifts- Bec gave me supplies for my very own disguise box, Elise got me the GREATEST Godiva chocolate, Liz told me to take her up on a dinner date some time for some quality one-on-one time with each other, Darla sent me a great bookmark, encouraging me to read more, and that afore-mentioned favorite dude sent me the world's greatest cookies. Not. Even. Kidding.

To be honest... it was a huge blessing because I was given zero presents last year. I mean, the roomies got Bec and I (her bday is three days before mine) a cheesecake. It was kind of heartbreaking, to be honest... but what a difference a year makes. Last year I was homesick, hardened toward God, and feeling completely alone. This year I am SO much closer to Liz, Bec, and Elise which makes home a happy place for me to be (I was the one pushing them away last year), I'm closer to Christ than perhaps at any point in my life in a more real and deep way, I have a peace about where I am and where I'll end up, and I'm simply blessed by my relationships as opposed to hoping they'll fill a void that is God's alone. So... yay! Yay, yay, YAY!

3) Praise Jesus for going HOME!! I am going to recruit for T^F@ this weekend; I'm flying home Saturday and coming back Tuesday. I am SO excited. It hasn't seemed real. Tonight I was making plans with Brendo and I couldn't believe that less than 48 hours existed between that moment and the one where I'd see him for the first time in 17 1/2 months.

Wow.

Just to say that I haven't been home- even in the Pacific time zone- in SEVENTEEN AND A HALF MONTHS seems kind of overwhelming. Yikes.

4) While I'm pumped to see friends (maybe family... not sure at this point) I'm super pumped to recruit. I love what Te@ch f0r @mer!c@ is doing in my school, and in my students' lives, and I just really want to see more quality people joining the movement-- and Whitty (my fond name for my alma mater) is chock full of quality people.

This means YOU Clintonius Maximus! I know you read this. ;)

5) Tomorrow's homecoming. Hectic day of hangin' with the other T^F@'ers from my high school replete with watching the parade and doing a little tailgating in the parking lot pre-game with some students. Then I'll be a keepin' the stats for the actual game. Sweet, right? I know :)

6) That said I have a LOT to do tomorrow so I need to get to bed. I got a done completed tonight but there's still a lot to do tomorrow- it's not easy to be gone for two full days. And... uh, I'll get home at 11 or so and I need to pack. I have to leave my house at like 4:30 am Saturday. I'm just going to try and not think about it! What is sleep, anyway?

:)

Hasta, quesos. And if you're in W@sh!ngt0n, I cannot wait to see you. Seriously. Can't. Hardly. Wait.

PS I LOVE OCTOBER!

Happy October 16th!!!!

And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have

[I Need You to Love Me, BarlowGirl]

I am so blessed. Amazing things are happening in my life. There's one relationship that is changing my life for the better and I'll never be the same now that this person has become a part of me. There's another that's less enjoyable; I can't really share details, but God is really working on my heart concerning a difficult relationship. He convicted me today in my quiet time about the fact that every Christian- regardless of his/her spiritual gifts, personality, socio-economic status, station in life, nationality, location, occupation, etc- is called to one common ministry. That ministry is the ministry of reconciliation; every single blood-bought believer of Christ is called to bring restoration of relationship between humans and God. I certainly don't often enough say the words (nor think the thoughts) that keep this reconciliation at the forefront of my daily doings. I want to be more intentional about this, however, and pray that I will.

Also, I am seeing the deep need to remember that I am a steward of all things in my life. Not a single thing in my life is meant for my own personal gain. Sure, I try to remember that I'm a steward of the money and material possessions that God has blessed me with, but I forget that I am also to be a steward of EVERYTHING. I do not own my personality- I am to be a steward of it. I am a steward of my talents, the Word of God, the relationships Christ has blessed me with... ALL things. A steward is responsible to carefully make sure that they use what they have been entrusted with to bring profit and glory to the Master. I can't honestly say I intentionally live this way in my daily life. Again, however, I pray that I will :)

Finally, the Bible study I am currently doing is called LORD, Give Me a Heart for You by Kay Arthur. I love what she wrote in this paragraph that I read this morning:

I think it would be good if every morning, before we ever put our feet on the floor or rise from our bed, we would make the conscious decision that this day, no matter what the discipline, the cost, we are going to live for Christ. It would be the first commitment of the day, spoken aloud- a confession with our mouths from our hearts.

Don't you love that? I do. I'm going to try to start doing it. I might have to shut my alarm off first. Maybe not. But I plan to start doing this. Feel free to ask me periodically if I have.

In other news, I went to the doctor today. My bloodwork showed no abnormalities, though the lab forgot to do the one test that would help show if it's a certain ovarian issue. However, my doctor was alarmed to hear that the muscle relaxers didn't work (so it's almost certainly not a muscle spasm issue), and that when I had HORRIBLE cramps this weekend the 2,000 mg of Tylenol that finally curbed the cramps had zero effect on my mystery back pain. I have to go get a CT scan on Thursday morning (at 7, in Hender$0n, which means I have to leave at like 5:45 AND find a teacher to cover my first period class- boo!). And this is now my daily regimen of pills:

1,000 mg Tylenol
Wait four hours
600 mg Motrin
Wait four hours
2 Aleve tablets
Start back at Tylenol

All day, every day. Ode to joy, huh? I know, I need to stop complaining. It's just frustrating. But, as Paul talked about having a thorn in his flesh, in his side, I have a literal pain in my right side, so I need to let God use it to bring me closer to Him. I do trust Him- be this something small and easily fixed or something more serious. I am in His hands, and my life is His to do with as He pleases. I want to just say, "I'm sure I'll be fine", due to fear of sounding overdramatic if this isn't an actual serious medical issue. But I refuse to play this up OR downplay it. What it comes down to is that I am Christ's and I trust Him.

I was reminded of something this week- it is in Christ that I live and move and have my being. He died for all, so that they [I] who live might no longer live for themselves [myself], but for Him who died and rose again on their [my] behalf. The love of Christ controls me. To live is Christ and to die is gain!

I pray I would live each day on this earth becoming more and more prepared for the Day when I stand before Christ and give an account for all I have done. I pray I would keep the eternal things in mind as I walk through this earthly existence.

PS Happy birthday Brendo!!

PPS Happy second anniversary Darla and Daryn!!

LIst Thursday

For all of you List Thursday lovers, Bekah-the-rock-star-gliznast reminded me that today is, indeed, list Thursday. So buck up, little broncos! Here we go:

• My beloved Seahawks were absolutely creamed by the Bears on Sunday. I'm still reeling from the effects.
  
  
• My beloved Patriots asbolutely creamed the Bengals on Sunday. I'm still reeling from the effects.
  
  
• The Lord has been working on me about my whole belief that the roads belong solely to me and that everyone is simply able to use them at my generosity. Now, I do pay enough in taxes each month to somehow feel justification here, but nonetheless now that He's brought it to my attention I am unable to rest in my old ways. So I pray on the way to work in the mornings, and that has helped A TON. Plus I pray much more consistently which really is needed.
  
  
• Speaking of prayer, my brother was smashed in the face with a baseball bat and mugged in downtown Spokangalangeles. He's all right, though the docs say his nose will never be the same nor look quite right. I feel bad for the kid- he's a few months out of prison and really trying to live right and these are hard times. So if you pray, pray for mi hermano.
  
  
• I can't say "hermano" and not think of the hilarity which ensues from that word on season 1 of Arrested Development. :)
  
  
• Speaking of TV shows, I LOVE LOST! They're so stinking creative and smart on that show. Though I need to understand how the others went from clean little book clubs and muffins houses to the rags they had on at the end of the year. Wait. I think I just figured that out. Nevermind.
  
  
• I wonder where Michael and Walt are. Huh. I forgot about them.
  
  
• I really don't like Kate. Never have, never will. I don't feel sorry for her. Meh.
  
  
• I also love The Office! And it's on tonight! And I've begun to get the roommates hooked on it and oh happy day! And Grey's Anatomy is on as well, and I have decided to give 6 degrees a try mainly because I loved the lawyer dude on Friday Night Lights. And he's really hot. (Sorry, JJ, but he so totally is.)
  
  
• Watching Grey's ALWAYS makes me wish I lived in Seattle!! Someday, someday.
  
  
• I LOVE FOOTBALL!!
  
  
• I had blood drawn today. It was a long hassle including multiple pokes and the needle being shoved around under my skin. She felt really bad, and I'm used to it because no one is ever able to easily get blood from me, but it still sucked. Plus I bled a lot after she pulled the needle out so I can't take the bandage off but the tape really itches on the back of my hand (she had to go from inner arm to back of hand because I have stubborn veins).
  
  
• My students are doing a project on Greece this week. Note to self: One day you WILL visit the Greek islands. Any takers?
  
  
• I'm really hungry.
  
  
• I made delicious lasagna AND delicious chicken noodle soup the other day (both homemade, because I rock).
  
  
• No, my chicken noodle soup does NOT have a soda on the side. (If you get that, then seriously, tell me. Because I bet 98% of you have ZERO idea what I'm talking about.)
  
  
• I will be a quarter of a century old in 11 days. Ho. Lee. Kuh. Rap.
  
  
• I hope my insurance will do gown. I keep meaning to call about that.
  
  
• I get to go home for the first time in 17 months in 16 days!! That'll be sweet. I'm pumped.
  
  
• I'm a little apprehensive that people won't be very excited to see me. I don't really know why. I think I'm just scared of being disappointed? Home not living up to the hype? I hope I'm wrong... and I probably am.
  
  
• I decided to stop going to my church. It was pretty spiritually unhealthy. I'd love for your prayers about where to proceed from here- and I really need to remember to call around about some churches in RoRap (it's a mid-sized town- maybe 15-20 thou- about a half hour away).
  
  
• We have a football game tomorrow against the school one of my roomies teaches at. I hope we win. By a lot. And... I love football, but we only have five games left and I'm kind of glad because I can't wait to actually have Friday nights again!
  
  
• I received a letter and some photos from my child in Uganda that I sponsor. His name is Isaac, he loves God's Word, he's ten, and I really love him so much that getting a letter from him made me cry. Maybe sometime I'll try to figure out how to use my scanner (I know, techie-T@mi hasn't figured out to use her scanner though she's had the printer for a year and a half... bite me.) and put up a pic of him :)
  
  
• That's all for now. Happy list Thursday!!
  

So I ordered The Office season 2. I received this earlier:

This shipment was sent to:

[My name and address were here but I'm obviously not posting THAT to the world]

via USPS (estimated delivery date: 16-October-2006).


So it seems that I'll get a TRUE birthday present! I mean, I had to buy it for myself, but still... yeah, baby!

I'll pretend my ship's not sinking

[King of Wishful Thinking, Go West]

So I was supposed to go get blood drawn for a bunch of tests today. I decided that getting blood taken would make me kind of weak and tired so I might as well just take the whole day off of school. So I did. But the doctor said no eating or drinking after 8pm the night before. I mostly obeyed this (I made DELICIOUS homemade Chicken Noodle Soup- why I capitalized that I don't know- and I had to eat a noodle here and there when putting it away), so as a result I woke up with a killer headache. It was from dehydration- I can always tell because the same vein in my left temple area will KILL.

When I arrived at the doctor's office and told them that I had a dehydration headache they told me to go home, eat, drink lots of water, and come back tomorrow. It would seem that my doctor failed to mention that the one thing I should do is drink lots of water so that my blood will easily flow. Which I sort of was confused about, since I know that water hydrates the veins and allows blood to flow more easily, which would seemingly bode well for getting it drawn.

So... tomorrow I'm going to make sure my principal is cool with me going during my planning period to get this taken care of. My back issue is still happening even with the muscle relaxers so I really don't think it's a muscular issue. Oh, medical issues. Hopefully it will all be resolved. I'm tired of typing so that's all I'm gonna say for now.

Other than LOST comes back tonight! T-1 hour 50 minutes and counting! Yay!!