Monday, October 09, 2006

And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have

[I Need You to Love Me, BarlowGirl]

I am so blessed. Amazing things are happening in my life. There's one relationship that is changing my life for the better and I'll never be the same now that this person has become a part of me. There's another that's less enjoyable; I can't really share details, but God is really working on my heart concerning a difficult relationship. He convicted me today in my quiet time about the fact that every Christian- regardless of his/her spiritual gifts, personality, socio-economic status, station in life, nationality, location, occupation, etc- is called to one common ministry. That ministry is the ministry of reconciliation; every single blood-bought believer of Christ is called to bring restoration of relationship between humans and God. I certainly don't often enough say the words (nor think the thoughts) that keep this reconciliation at the forefront of my daily doings. I want to be more intentional about this, however, and pray that I will.

Also, I am seeing the deep need to remember that I am a steward of all things in my life. Not a single thing in my life is meant for my own personal gain. Sure, I try to remember that I'm a steward of the money and material possessions that God has blessed me with, but I forget that I am also to be a steward of EVERYTHING. I do not own my personality- I am to be a steward of it. I am a steward of my talents, the Word of God, the relationships Christ has blessed me with... ALL things. A steward is responsible to carefully make sure that they use what they have been entrusted with to bring profit and glory to the Master. I can't honestly say I intentionally live this way in my daily life. Again, however, I pray that I will :)

Finally, the Bible study I am currently doing is called LORD, Give Me a Heart for You by Kay Arthur. I love what she wrote in this paragraph that I read this morning:

I think it would be good if every morning, before we ever put our feet on the floor or rise from our bed, we would make the conscious decision that this day, no matter what the discipline, the cost, we are going to live for Christ. It would be the first commitment of the day, spoken aloud- a confession with our mouths from our hearts.

Don't you love that? I do. I'm going to try to start doing it. I might have to shut my alarm off first. Maybe not. But I plan to start doing this. Feel free to ask me periodically if I have.

In other news, I went to the doctor today. My bloodwork showed no abnormalities, though the lab forgot to do the one test that would help show if it's a certain ovarian issue. However, my doctor was alarmed to hear that the muscle relaxers didn't work (so it's almost certainly not a muscle spasm issue), and that when I had HORRIBLE cramps this weekend the 2,000 mg of Tylenol that finally curbed the cramps had zero effect on my mystery back pain. I have to go get a CT scan on Thursday morning (at 7, in Hender$0n, which means I have to leave at like 5:45 AND find a teacher to cover my first period class- boo!). And this is now my daily regimen of pills:

1,000 mg Tylenol
Wait four hours
600 mg Motrin
Wait four hours
2 Aleve tablets
Start back at Tylenol

All day, every day. Ode to joy, huh? I know, I need to stop complaining. It's just frustrating. But, as Paul talked about having a thorn in his flesh, in his side, I have a literal pain in my right side, so I need to let God use it to bring me closer to Him. I do trust Him- be this something small and easily fixed or something more serious. I am in His hands, and my life is His to do with as He pleases. I want to just say, "I'm sure I'll be fine", due to fear of sounding overdramatic if this isn't an actual serious medical issue. But I refuse to play this up OR downplay it. What it comes down to is that I am Christ's and I trust Him.

I was reminded of something this week- it is in Christ that I live and move and have my being. He died for all, so that they [I] who live might no longer live for themselves [myself], but for Him who died and rose again on their [my] behalf. The love of Christ controls me. To live is Christ and to die is gain!

I pray I would live each day on this earth becoming more and more prepared for the Day when I stand before Christ and give an account for all I have done. I pray I would keep the eternal things in mind as I walk through this earthly existence.

PS Happy birthday Brendo!!

PPS Happy second anniversary Darla and Daryn!!