Sunday, January 28, 2007

I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

[For You I Will (Confidence), Teddy Geiger]

Ok, you've been waiting. I know you've all been waiting. So, finally, the Jason post.

The week before we met I was kind of irritable. I think the pressures of normal life- finishing the semester, saying goodbye to my students, etc- were mounting, not to mention the fact that the "what ifs" started to set in. What if he doesn't think I'm attractive? What if things are weird in person? What if there's no chemistry? What if I don't like his family and church? What if they don't like me? What if I don't like him? What if he doesn't like me? What if everything actually is really great and this is all for real but then God makes it clear that this simply isn't His will? What if we meet and it's wonderful and then I say good-bye and never see him again and that's all we have, ever?

It was all heavy, just sitting there like a gargantuan piece of lead squashing my heart. Jas was struggling with such things and general life stresses as well, and we didn't argue, per se, but things were a little strained all week. Then I had all of my recruiting going on, and what felt like trillions of airports and layovers and the whole bit. It was yuck.

Soon enough, though, it was Saturday night and I was walking around Sea-Tac, trying to figure out which baggage claim was mine, knowing that he would be waiting for me there. Finally, I saw him, a tall handsome man, attractively dressed, and I knew immediately that it was him. He saw me at about the same moment, and I went to him as he came toward me and we embraced. The first thing I noticed was how amazing his scent was. Then, upon pulling back, I immediately handed over my ridiculously heavy laptop bag and we went to sit and wait for my checked bag to come by on the conveyor belt.

Things were fairly normal and comfortable right away. He wanted to gaze at me and I wasn't quite ready for that, but we just sat close and felt the glorious feeling of our bodies touching after 6 months of being 3,000 miles apart. Finally, my bag came and we went to his truck and drove the 45 or so minute drive back to his apartment. Upon arriving there he gave me the mini-tour and took me over near the fireplace to show me his [uber-dorky] meats identification plaque he won in 4H in high school. Then he pulled me close, gazed into my eyes, told me that he loved me, and kissed me. It was beautiful.

He took me back to his room, where he had presents for me (various sweet things from Bath and Body Works, including a back massager, a lovely card, The Devil Wears Prada, and a breathtaking bouquet of a dozen red roses in a vase) and a clean room for me to settle into.

That night we didn't sleep. We just stayed up the whole night, enjoying actually being together. We prayed together, which was WONDERFUL! Church was rough going, but it was wonderful. I loved everything- how real everyone was, the worship, the sermon, the feeling of family and home... it was amazing. It was just glorious. I went to lunch with his family (uncle, aunt, cousins... pretty much his closest family) and I just felt like I was meant to be with them. We watched some football (poor Saints :( ) and then I could tell Jas was itching to get me alone. When we left his whole family hugged me and his uncle said, "Welcome to the family". It was so sweet!

We then watched football (sad day for my Pats. Sad, sad, tragic day.), ate pizza, and then watched 50 First Dates. Cute first movie to watch with the love of your life. Then we actually did sleep that night (he's a sweetie and let me have his bed, while he pretended that the couch is actually comfortable for a man who is nearly 6'5" tall). Monday we just enjoyed a slow morning together, watched the first season of The Office, and just pretty much took our time of just enjoying one another. Then I packed for the trip home and he took me out to dinner in downtown Seattle, to Ivar's on the waterfront. It was so sweet of him- he totally remembered that I love seafood :)

We took a walk down one of the piers (around the 51st or so) and took some pictures of the two of us together with the lights of downtown Seattle behind us. It was wonderful. Finally, we had to go to the airport, so I checked in and then we sat out near the ticket counters in as secluded a corner as we could find for as long as possible. He had to give my Gonzaga sweatshirt back (he was wearing it because I wanted him to) and then I had to tear myself away from him and go through security. When we said good-bye I told him how proud I was of us, that neither of us cried. He then turned away kind of abruptly and left... I stood in line, watching him walk the opposite direction of the way I was going and began to cry. Remember, I don't cry easily at real life, and certainly not when it's my own life. I can cry for other people, or at church, but I almost NEVER cry because I'm sad. But to see him leave just... ached.

I cried pretty much the whole way home, in between restless bouts of sleep usually only 15-20 minutes in length on my flight from Se@tle to Atl@nta.

I haven't cried since the day we said good-bye, but I miss him. I love him. I'm going to marry him. He's the one, the love of my life, my soul mate. I can't wait until we live in the same place and I never have to go more than 24 hours without seeing him... I really can't wait until I fall asleep in his arms and then wake up in them. I miss the feeling of being embraced by him, his height making me feel small, his smell, his caress, his kiss... just him. Only 67 days until he comes here for my Spring Break. I can hardly wait. I love that man :)

But, for now, that's your low down. Things were great, he's amazing, and methinks that in 9 1/2 months or so I'll be walking down the aisle to become his wife.

Lord, haste the day.