Sometimes it's hard to breathe...

... just knowing you found me.

[With You, Jessica Simpson]

I can certifiably say that's the only Jessica Simpson song I like. Only one. It's rather fitting of my post I'm about to write, though :)

I'm currently doing a Bible study with some other young female teachers (mostly other TF@ers) by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. It's a great study and the Lord is really using it in my life. It seems that what God does in me individually seems to always parallel what He's doing in Jason and I as a couple, and this week was no exception.

On Tuesday night we were talking about the day in the study in which we focused on finding satisfaction in God. One question was, "What is the most satisfying part of your relationship with God?". AB wanted to know each person's answers, and a lot of the gals said awesome stuff, like knowing He is the answer to all things in life- simply The Answer, or that we have victory in Him, etc. I thought about my answer knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the most satisfying part of my relationship with Jesus Christ is knowing that He is my everything.

This was particularly clear because I had just proclaimed this to Jason about an hour before we arrived at that question during Bible study. I am a blessed woman because Jason loves me deeply and wants to treasure me and always esteem me as a precious jewel whom he will cherish for the rest of his life. I know many women don't have that, and I am truly blessed. The negative side to this, though, is that Jas holds himself to extremely rigid and high standards, so if he lets me down even the slightest bit then he is crushed. Ninety-nine percent of the time he's far more upset than I am in this, and Tuesday was no exception. I actually found myself extremely angry with him and... well, I let him know it.

He began trying to explain why he was so upset with himself, how he hates to let me down because he wants to be my man, to be perfectly everything I need. I simply had to stop him... normally I don't interrupt him, but I just had to. I told him that he's not my everything and that he never will be. He'll never be perfect, and he'll never fulfill me or even begin to touch the void in my heart that leaves me rendered helplessly incomplete on my own. Jesus Christ alone is all of this- and more- in my life. God fulfills me, makes me complete, and makes me whole. He has blessed me with the most amazing man in Jason, and for that I am truly grateful.

Understand that I do know Jason needs to strive to be the best man he can be- but he needs to be the best man he can be in accordance to God's will. Jas knows that he can't fulfill me, and he wasn't trying to be my God. It was amazing, though, to hear myself saying those words-- "Jason, God alone is my everything. He fulfills me, makes me whole, and completes me. You'll never be perfect, and you'll never be able to do what God can in my life"-- and to know that I meant them with every ounce of my being.

God is my God; Jason is my man. In 3 1/2 hours I board a plane for Omaha to recruit for TF@, and Saturday I board a plane for Seattle where I will spend 2 glorious whole days with my man.
Yay. :)