Monday, July 24, 2006

I thought that I was all alone, broken and afraid, but You were there with me

[Mountain of God, Third Day]

I just have to give praise and glory to my faithful Lord.

The last few nights were scary, and very hard on me. I've never had to deal with anything like that in my life. I've had some fairly terrible things happen to me in my life, but I have never lived in fear of another person. I was frustrated with myself because he hasn't done anything to cause me to think he might hurt me... being angry and hurtful with words is one thing, but driving six hours to do physical harm to someone- particularly a woman- is quite another. So I had to deal not only with the poisonous fear coursing through my veins, but also the fact that I was worried that I was a bit mental for coming up with the notion that he might hurt me.

God is so good to me, though. Last night in my quiet time with Him- time set aside and carved out specifically so that I can just be with Him, and grow in my relationship with Christ- the Lord was faithful to speak to me and soothe my aching heart. First of all, He is my protection. Secondly, He wants to cleanse me of the anger and controversy, that I can lift up clean hands with a clear conscience before Him. Finally, He tells me to pray at all times for all people that He would grant them His mercy; I am to also thank Him. I need to believe God.

It wasn't easy to do, and I confessed that, but I prayed for the mercy of God to come to ________. I gave him over to the Lord to deal with; and not in anger and spite. Kindness and love toward an enemy heaps burning coals on their head. It is not my concern how Christ deals with ________. I only know that he's not MY concern and I have too much of a wonderful life to live to be worried about him.

The Lord really ministered to me with this verse:

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15, NKJV)
I have a Father who has grafted me into His own family; He loves me every bit as much as He does His own son, Jesus Christ. I am not to be a slave to fear; I belong to my God. When I cry out to Him I am always heard, always received, always loved.

This love casts out and decimates all fears. Perfect love- the unconditional, selfless, and pure love of God- it knows all, conquers all, and heals that which is broken.

I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

Last night I slept soundlessly. I also slept for ten hours and am slightly concerned about staying to my new (normal) sleeping schedule since I didn't wake up until 1 pm.

What can I do but smile at that? :)